I need to allow myself some real talk on this topic of abortion, so here I am, cards on the table, openly processing. I’m not coming at anyone for any particular stance or opinion, I’m just here, in what I hope can be a safe space to normalize the conversation and to be a safe place for anyone else who is still processing too.
I’m an empath. If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you know this fact about me. This means I have the gift of feeling what other people feel. So, these precious babies that are being aborted in any number of ways, I physically hurt with their little bodies. When these women undergo procedures and surgeries to terminate their pregnancies, I hurt for their bodies too. I hurt with them emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To think of the trauma, the grief, the physical healing that takes place afterwards – I almost can’t catch my breath.
After James died inside my womb, one of the safest places a person can ever know, I went through a several years long stance of a pretty closed minded “I just don’t understand how someone could CHOOSE to end the life of a child. It’s wrong. It’s murder. How could someone WANT the journey I’m on? Surely they don’t know the battle that’s before them – how their life would change when they go home without their baby.” — Truth be told ,I still feel this way, in part. Though, I feel more open minded now. It’s complicated, right? Whichever way you look at it, and whichever “side” you find yourself on, it.is.not.simple.
This world is dark. The apple was eaten. Sin entered the world. Confusion is rampant. Feelings are at an all time high, it seems. “Do what /feels/ right in the moment.” “If you don’t /feel/ ready to be a Mom, we support you ending the pregnancy on YOUR terms.” This rocks me to my core. To value ones own wants and needs over that of a precious, innocent baby, who has no say in the matter, yet ALSO has wants and needs, and only their entire future ahead of them, is a level of pride and selfishness I have a really hard time wrapping my head around. .
On the other side of the token here, I feel for these women, so much. In the same way I cannot imagine choosing abortion, I also cannot imagine being faced with an impossible decision, like finding myself pregnant after being raped, or learning I have a pregnancy in which continuing that pregnancy would put one or both of us at risk of dying.
I am not pro-death, Mom or baby, either way. If at all possible, I will choose life and be for life. Always. When faced with an impossible choice of whose life to spare, I hope and pray I hear the Spirit whisper His grace and acceptance for me in that moment.
One thing I know I can count on, come what may in this life, is that my Jesus is King. He sits on His throne. He has already overcome the world. He is for me. He is good, and His loves endures forever. His love for all the children of the world, no matter their color, race, age, gender, or size – from the fertilized egg to the fully grown adult. We are all precious to Him, and on that comforting note, I can find rest.