Speaking of planting seeds….I found out yesterday, that I am growing a baby again!
My sister-in-law referred to the baby as a “little rainbow squish”. And that is what this baby will be from now until forever.
You see, this pregnancy for us, is a pregnancy after loss…And what a loss it was. In losing James and starting the journey of trying for another baby, there were so many doubts. Satan tried to creep in at every turn and convince me that this wouldn’t happen for us, and our future for wanting more kids in our home was dark and empty. Every time I was worn down…almost to the point of believing such junk and lies…and then I would get a refreshing wave over me saying “I do want to give you good things. Trust me. I want you to have peace and joy.” It was a struggle. I fought. It is easy to believe bad things will happen to you after you’ve lost a child. But even through James’ death, there was so much growth and good that came as a result of it. And now, we cling to trust. We cling to hope. We cling to God, who holds our son and our Rainbow Baby. He is good and He loves us and wants to give us good things. WANTS to. Not required to. Doesn’t feel obligated. WANTS to. And because we’re His children, we can accept His gifts freely without guilt or question.
Here’s to deep seated hope.
Here’s to strength.
Here’s to healthy kids.
Here’s to joy.
Here’s to a new phase. A new adventure.
Here’s to all my kids.